We're back!!!

I know what you’re all saying, “what the heck have you guys been doing for the last three weeks!?” Inexcusable, I know that. We should be putting out at least something once a week, unwritten rule. I could sit here and blame Greg or Sam Adam’s Octoberfest or Greg, but that’s just childish finger pointing. Because we all know it is Greg’s fault. Without further ado, let’s hit the ground running:

I’ve gotten to watch a few of the last IRL races on VS and I have to say I’m impressed. They went out of their way to get announcers/pit reports that used to work IndyCar coverage in the past, and one former NASCAR announcer. That is fantastic, it was like I was watching 1995 ESPN coverage of it, minus Paul Page. They had Bob Jenkins (which is a travesty that he’s calling IndyCar and not ESPN, no offense Marty Reid, but you are not Bob Jenkins), Jon Beekhuis (humorous name, great commentary guy), and Robbie Buhl (another example of terrible athletic/participant good announcer) in the booth. The on pit road Jack Arute (the Dr. Jerry Punch of IndyCar, I docket him points for being too excited during Indy 500 qualifying, but am over it), Lindy Thackston and Robbie Floyd (both knew their stuff, I just got nothing good to input about them) in the pits. This is what you do, you get established people and maybe work in a new guy every now and then. You don’t just go out and get a couple of former drivers, former owners, current owner, and Jim Bob off the street (also known as Phil Parsons) to drag you through a race. It’s not terrible, but I’m also spacing out most of the time about what their saying.

Instead of putting all the marketing and hope in Danica Patrick, we should be backing drivers who, I don’t know, deserve to be there instead. One such driver is Chrissy Wallace, daughter of Mike Wallace. You have the name recognition, she is good looking, and has show promises of potential, yet she has no starts in all three series this year (not saying Cup, but Truck atleast! Come on!). Just annoying that she can’t get a ride, but let’s stop the presses and get someone who is more famous for suggestive commercials that racing. But this happens everywhere, drivers who have family connections with companies and grizzled veterans somehow get the rides but up and coming drivers like Bryan Clauson, Billy Wease, and Burney Lamar (to name a few) come and gone to never be heard from again.

Warning, only time I’ll every say something good about Kyle Busch. I was impressed with his triple win feat at Bristol. I give him a lot of credit to run that much in one weekend. Now I’m going to take a shower, I feel dirty.

Atlanta provided a really good race, with hard racing almost throughout. Then it is built for those multiple lanes to be used that turns up the excitement, the only problem was the fact that race lasted for FOUR hours. That was terrible, just, too freakin’ long. I don’t blame people for going, I’m going to have to revert to Bill Simmons take on the length of things on this one. “I'm the same guy who once created the 150-Minute Rule for all movies, sporting events, concerts, even sex -- if you edge past 150 minutes for anything, you better have a really good reason (July 29, 2010 column).” I’ll bump it to 3 hours for a race, but four is just plain silly. People always ask me how I can watch NASCAR. Well I watch it, sort of, because I’ll be working on other things such as checking stocks of local interest (porn), or maybe I’m cooking something (porn), or even cleaning my room (of porn). If I was to sit and watch the race, I’d be hard press to not wonder away to another channel, we’re a country with a declining attention span. Heck, if I didn’t say “porn” over and over, you’d probably have already moved on to another website.

Just saying it, I hate the Chase. I hate what it is, I hate what it represents, I hate that it exists, I hate that everyone talks about it, and I hate that I am talking about it right now. It’s just plain stupid, and if they go to an elimination style Chase I’d be hard press to keep being a fan. I think I’ve covered it before, but this is auto racing, it’s not a stick and ball sport.

Thankfully Kevin Conway was picked up by Robby Gordon Motorsports to continue his quest to be Rookie of the Year. It was scary to think a driver who is terrible but has some in with a sponsor would not be able to crash out the year on route to a Rookie of the Year title he wins simply because he’s the only one competing for it. Instead of dwelling on that small fact, I like to live in a dream world. My roommate Jeff helped paint this picture, that after Conway parks for the race he spends the rest of the time hitting on wives/daughters of other drivers. Maybe throwing out there that his sponsor is Extenze and they should “do the math, baby.”

This just in, Dale Earnhardt, he’s still dead. Won’t be coming back, so stop saying Kyle Busch is the next Dale Earnhardt or even (more insulting) Brad Keselowski is the second coming. Just because a driver is an idiot and wrecks people, doesn’t mean he’s Dale Earnhardt. When playing NASCAR 09, if I wreck someone, I don’t go around going “I’m Dale Earnhardt! Woo!” then catch my breath because I’m fat. No, that doesn’t happen (especially the fat part, I’m totally in shape and awesome, anyways I digress). Busch has a similar drive to win at all costs, but without the charisma Earnhardt had. Keselowski hasn’t done anything but almost get killed by Carl Edwards, so how does he even come into the debate. From now on I’m going to proclaim, and proclaim loudly that Dale Eanrhardt, Jr. is the next Dale Earnhardt. Because literally that is correct, on the track someone kicked that apple far from the tree. Ed Hinton makes some good points in his article, but I’m still not sold.

The Chase and Kevin Conway, two things that drive me to drink. A few others, the Jonas Brothers, work, Jersey Shore, my golf game, bills, work, New York Rangers roster moves, women, and work.

I’m sure there was more I wanted to touch on, but since I didn’t write it down, oh well. Greg and I have a good combo article coming out hopefully sooner than later, so keep checking back in. Thanks for stopping by and stay classy.